Missions not as Usual

“And they overcame by the blood of The Lamb, by the word of their testimony and they did not love their lives not even until death.” Rev 12:11

Something The Lord has been working on my heart and have been speaking to me about is “doing missions not as usual”, doing business not as usual. Most of us missionaries including myself go on short term mission trips and some even long term, with the hope of coming home alive. But what if we go and not come back? 

I remember going to East Asia and Thailand with that mindset. Although it was risky at times, I knew I was coming back. I expected to come back. 

 I am not condemning that but what we really need is a missions movement filled with fearless lovers, who will go on missions with the reality that they might not come back, to be prepared to lay down their lives, for they know there is a great reward for them if they would endure till the end. There is a crown of life that awaits them.

I don’t want to be a part of a “self preservation” missions movement nor do I want to call my generation to that. 

But what is the motivation? How can one be so moved or motivated by something that would drive them to even death.

 Passion is the driving force. It’s the very thing that motivated Jesus as He endured the cross, bearing the sins of humanity. Passion for us drove Him to the cross and it sustained Him while He was mocked, rejected, stripped, whipped, and crucified.

 Well Amy, aren’t you scared? Aren’t you afraid of persecution, pain and death? What about families and loved ones? Of course I am afraid and of course my heart breaks at the thought of leaving families and loved ones. My flesh is begging to stay where it is safe, where it is comfortable, where there is certainty, where there is no risk needed. But He is worth everything that I am and everything that I have. 

I mean isn’t that what Christianity is about? Radical lovers willing to lay down their lives for a cause. The cause of Christ. Isn’t He worth it? Isn’t He worth everything that we own? Everything that we are? When we look to His cross, does it not demand all of us, even our very lives? We are just a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. We only have one life, why shouldn’t we waste it on Him, who gave it all for us. It’s easier said then done of course. But it all starts with a yes and then another yes to the things of God. It requires a no and then another no to the things of the world and the things of our flesh. 

 Nevertheless, the weak yes in my heart triumphs over the endless questions in my mind. My love for Him overcome fears and doubts. 

Oh but there is a comforting promise that He is with us: “I will be with You even till the end and happy is he who is persecuted for righteousness sake.” 

 I want to follow Him where ever He leads me. He is My Sheperd and I trust His perfect leadership. 

 He is worthy of it all. He truly is worth it all. 

Lost for Words….

Lost…

Lost for words…when I am in Your presence

And yet in the midst of  being lost for words, I find that my love can be easily expressed

Not through mere words and sounds, but through the rhythms and beats of my weak human heart

 A song that arises in my deep being that can only be sung to the One who created all things that I’ve discovered to be beautiful, the one who breathed life in me.

so even if I could never ever say anything again with my lips, I will be content with the reality that love is spoken best when it is done in the internal..the inward parts..where only You can have access to. Where You see, where You hear and where You know best.

I will let my heart speak louder

I will let my love shout louder

 

 

 

Your love is strong

Thank you for reminding me of this one true reality. Your love is truly strong and it is the very thing that keeps me going and living. Thank you for loving me out of darkness and into Your light.

Honor Mum & Pops

“Honor thy mother and father…”

I never knew how important this verse was until about 6 years ago…when I gave my life to Jesus and began walking with Him.

You see, growing up was hard because my parents and I, especially my mum did not have a good relationship whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I hated them. I especially hated my mother and everyday I would write in my diary wishing she didn’t exist. I couldn’t trust her and couldn’t share anything with her. We would argue and fight every day over small things and big things. Some of you can relate to that… like there was a wall between us.

As for my pops, I knew that he loved me but he didn’t know how to express that love into affection. Looking back now, I don’t blame him because he came from an Asian background and for us Asians, we find it hard to express our love to our loved ones. We’re all still learning as we adapt to the American culture. So growing up, I didn’t know what a hug or a kiss was…I only knew of love through provision.But it wasn’t just that, we never talked about anything. Our relationship was composed of small hi’s & goodbyes.

But then it all changed in 2004 as I began to allow God to love me and fill me with a love for my parents. That in itself is a testimony. God gave me a love for my parents that goes beyond my own ability and strength to love them. He gave me His unconditional love. I also began taking steps of faith and love….taking risks to hug and kiss them first. To be vulnerable and to take that first step is well worth it. God healed our relationship. My parents and I now have an awesome relationship because I can share everything with them. Although we have different opinions and don’t always agree on everything, we have love and love is the only thing we’ll need.

So, all this to say, I encourage you all to take that first step of faith and love towards your parents. Allow God to give you a love for your parents that goes beyond your disagreements and differences. Don’t miss out on your parents because the moment you lose them, it’ll already be too late.

To Sit at Your feet

There You are in my living room…and here I am working.

Many times I find myself working and working….running around trying to do things for You…

But all You desire for me to do is to sit at Your feet. To gaze upon who You are, to be still…so still I can hear Your very heart beat, to listen and to be loved by You.

Teach me to not work….but to enjoy You

2011

So 2010 has just kissed us goodbye. Now we are welcoming a new year. 2011. A year full of new adventures with God and I’m excited. I have no idea how everything is going to turn out or what will happen but one thing I know is this: “trust in Dad with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Proverbs 3: 5-6. Time to close our eyes, feel the wind of His Spirit, soak in His overflowing and everlasting love and take His hand.

It’s going to be a wild adventure.

Just a Pizza Man

It t’was the night before Christmas eve. Driving in my car, I turned on K-love’s station after having a not so good day at work.  An excited voice came on and started telling  the radio host  how he’s so grateful. He told the radio host he was just a pizza man who barely makes any money each month. A working father and husband. But what touched my heart was that He was grateful to God and He was faithful…faithful in the little things God has given him. He told the radio host how he had a second job as a driver which he used as an opportunity to share Jesus with people. His radio would always be on K-love, so whenever people would sit in his car, they would often ask him “what are you listening to?”With a joyful smile, he would respond “Christian music” and then shares Christ with people. This pizza man inspires me.

Glory

God, I live to bring You glory.

Show me true glory.

GLORY –Jaeson Ma

Don’t waste your life, but live your life for a purpose that is bigger than yourself. What are you living for? I’m living for the glory. And glory is not fame, glory is not making yourself a name, glory is sacrificing for others, it’s putting others before yourself. It’s fighting for a cause worth dying for, a purpose worth living for. True glory is virtue and it’s not something you can buy, glory is something you earn. Heroes are not born, they are made for glory.

I’m broken apart

Ten thousand dreams

With no place to go

If you give me a heart

I can give you a soul

The depth of your love

I’ll never know

GLORY

AY-AY

AY-AY

Give me a sign

GLORY

AY-AY

AY-AY

I give You my life

Show me the glory, this is what I pray. There’s got to be more than what seems to exist cause you were born to go higher, we were born for adventure, so dare to dream bigger, because if you don’t have a passion worth dying for, you have nothing worth living for. Don’t live for the things of this world, they are passing away, but live for the glory that leads to eternity. Glory is grace perfected and our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

When I wake up in the morning and I feel the sun shining down on my face, I feel Your glory. When I look into the night and I see the moon and stars shining so bright, I feel Your glory.

Your love is deeper than the oceans, more powerful than the mountains. Show me Your glory.

Bridge:

I’ve been waiting my whole life

For this one special moment I got just to be with You.

Journey to the East [3]

I finally got to see the place and people that my heart burns for and have been praying for…I fell in love with the country, the people and the culture.

Our week was filled with language and culture classes and meeting students over food, sports, and etc. Through building relationships, we have been able to share Christ with many students. Many received Christ into their hearts, confessing with their mouths that He is Lord and believing in their hearts. The East Asian students saw God’s love both in our words and actions. Well, that is the gospel…faith & actions.

But God was not just calling us to love on the students, but that our love should ooze out to every area of our lives and to all. To love the cashier at the mall, the man at the nearby bakery and the woman at the market.

Mid way into our project, we took a weekend off to go to another city for our retreat. Everyone was stoked because it would be the first time where we got to worship God out loud. As a part of our retreat, we all embarked on a 4 ½ hour hike to a mountain, where we got to see the East Asia sunrise. Surprised everyone was fine because we pulled an all nighter.

It was pitch black and the only light that we had was the light way ahead of us. As we climbed the 6000 steps up the mountain, a bunch of  people from my project family including myself received revelation from The Lord. The hike drastically influenced my whole project family.

As I pass by the people that were climbing up the mountain to offer incense and gifts to receive blessings. I became grateful that we have a heavenly Father that is so close to us. We do not have to climb a 6000 step mountain to ask for blessings or to be near Him. He dwells in us and He pours out His blessings upon us according to His riches and glory. God opened up my eyes to who He was and how much He loved those people. Oh, if they could only taste of His goodness and kindness… My heart broke for the lost as I began to pray that God’s love would be felt and encountered by all who were hiking. That the eyes of their hearts would be enlightened to who Jesus was, as the way, the truth and the life. Ephesians 1:17-21

Jonathan from my family began to share what God was showing him as he hiked up the   “never ending mountain.” Upon looking down the mountain on the top, as we all made out way down after seeing the sun rise, Jonathan had realized how impossible of a task he had just accomplished. He thought to himself, if he had seen what was before him on the way up, he would have given up because of the difficulty and length of the hike. But because it was pitch-black and he could only see twenty feet in front of him, he was able to move forward.

The same is true of following after God. If we have the full picture of what’s ahead and can see all the difficulty of what He is going to put us through, most of us would probably give up. We would be found sleeping on the side of those stairs. But God reveals His will to us as we continue to walk through this life with Him. We get glimpses here and there of what He is doing and have to trust that where He is leading us is truly in our best interest. But just as the stairs were always before us on that mountain, so God has each step marked out for us and is constantly beckoning us upward. And when we get to the top, we get to look back in full illumination and see all that God has accomplished in and through our lives. And all we can do is stand there amazed at His work. He is a great God.

*There were sooo many exciting stories that happened this summer in which I cannot share on this post. But would love to share it with you!  If you would like to hear about it, please shoot me an email at captivatedbylov3@yahoo.com and we can schedule a time to meet up in person or on the phone.

The stars we reached this summer.

On behalf of the East Asia Summer Project Family, we would like to thank each and everyone of you for your support both in finances and prayer!

Journey to the East [2]

Upon arrival, I handed my associate leader the checks my supporters gave me… As of this point, I’ve only raised $2000.  He pulls up my account with all of my online supporters and surprisingly he tells me my total.  “You have a total of $4500.” Shocked by the total, I tell him “no way jose…” With tears rolling down my face, I walked outside, looked up to the sky, and gave thanks to my Jehovah Jireh, my faithful provider. The Holy Spirit then whispers into my heart “because you have been faithfully trusting me, I have proven Myself faithful to you.”

I came into the project with only $2000 raised but at the end of my trip, I had raised over $1500 in which I was able to help many of my team members.

As we approached the campus that was to be our home for the next 5 weeks, my heart became overwhelmed by the love and compassion that Jesus has for this campus and the students who studied and lived here.

God sent us here for a reason, for a season, a divine purpose…

Romans 10:14-15